"I'll Be Home Late Tonight"

The "I'll be home late" text, oh how I dread it. Last week, I received that text everyday, and it left me reflecting on how I should honor my husband through a season of late nights. There was a time not too long ago, that I would respond to these late nights with anger and bitterness. My selfishness and entitlement would take over, and I would not receive my husband well when he finally walked through the door. The Holy Spirit has done work in my heart, and I've learned a few things over the past couple years that Sam has been at a demanding job. As I reflected and reminded myself of these truths this week, I wanted to share what God has taught me. 

Making him feel guilty isn't helpful.

Chances are, your hubby is just a bummed as you are to be spending most of his time at work. He very likely feels torn between spending time with family and being a reliable employee. When I'm tempted to guilt Sam about being away so much, I practice the good ol' "if I were in his shoes" trick and it helps bring me back to reality -- that this is difficult for both of us. 

He's not someone to throw the kids at

Too often I count down the hours until I can throw the kids at Sam and "check out" of the family. I don't physically go anywhere, but I am not present or available to my husband and kids. By all means, parents are a team, but that doesn't mean you should greet your husband at the door with "here's  the kids, see ya". Give him a hug, tell him you love him and you've missed him, tell him you appreciate him, and then ask for help where it's needed. I totally understand that different seasons call for different lifestyles, but it is absolutely vital in a marriage to remember that you are a team, not enemies. 

Check your own heart 

Ask yourself and pray to God to reveal to you why you may be feeling angry or bitter towards your husband. I have evaluated my own heart and have noticed common themes which I'll list here:

• Unrealistic expectations: I am far more content when I don't expect Sam home at a specific time. When I see the day as an opportunity rather than a burden, I feel more prepared to "mom" for as long as the kids need me, and then I'm not so prone to counting down the hours until Sam gets home. 
•  Entitlement: Sometimes I feel a great sense of entitlement that I deserve a break, which is really an issue of not having faith in God's promises. He promises to us that he will be with us and for us, and He will supply us with what we need. When I feel afraid that I won't get a break or feel entitled that I deserve a break, it is helpful to remember that our Savior is for me, not against me, and that He promises to care for me (Ps. 55:22, 1 Peter 5:7, Matt 11:28-30).
• Idolizing my husband: I have time and time again fallen into the lie that my husband is my everything. This is damaging, not only to our marriage, but also in my relationship with God. When I expect Sam to meet all of my needs and "save" me when life is tough, I am inevitably disappointed because I am looking in the wrong direction for sustainability. My role as Sam's wife is to love him selflessly, serve him selflessly, and pray for him fervently. 

Take care of your own basic needs

I so feel all of you reading who just feel "burnt out" and you're thinking that everything I am typing is easier said than done, and you're right. In our weak human state, we have basic human needs that need to be met and we absolutely need humility to know our own limitations. I make my time with God a priority every day, which is vital for surviving this season of little kids who demand my constant attention. It isn't at all a "duty" type of thing, but rather a necessity that I spend time before God being refueled with His truth and his love for me. I also notice a huge difference in how I feel by how I am caring for my body and how I am spending my few moments in the day without the kids. It is so important to prioritize what is "life-giving" and "life-taking" in order to not drown in the sea of your children's needs. This also means being intentional with commitments, because sometimes it's not your kids who are draining you, it's actually all the other stuff that is demanding your time and energy. Be practical and be humble. 

To all you beautiful daughters of Christ-- you are precious, you are loved, and you are seen by our Creator. He will sustain you and He will equip you if you find your rest in Him. Hang in there mama.

Why I'm Ditching my Smartphone.

Last week we embarked on a trip to PA, where both of our families live. We were blessed with delicious food, wonderful conversation, and even some space so Sam and I could have a date in the same town we met. We stayed with Sam's parents, and I was so happy and content to spend an afternoon sitting in a cozy chair by the fireplace, and reading a book by John Piper that Sam and I have been working through. God is so perfect and gentle in His timing, and He chose this moment to test my faith and convict my heart.

I have an addiction to my smartphone, and God knows.

I could sugar coat this confession, however there really isn't any reason to. The truth is, I struggle to stay present with my kids during the day and find myself wasting too much time scrolling through social media rather than living presently in the very moment God has blessed me with. My smartphone addiction is robbing me of my children's little years. This isn't a new conviction for me, it's something I became immediately aware of when we dived into the world of smartphones, 3 years ago. Sure, it didn't help that I had a newborn who would only sleep on me for the first year of her life, or that I spent countless hours nursing that colicky babe, but the heart issue has always been there, which is that I prefer to mindlessly live in a different world aside from the one I am physically in. My heart craves the interaction that facebook offers and the potential self-glory my own life might portray on social media.

Since God has actually been pricking my heart to ditch the smartphone for years, this is hardly an admirable act of obedience. It took that afternoon by the fireplace for me to finally accept that I need to take this step in obedience and that I need to trust God with the fears I have related to giving up something that seems so vital in our world, today.

Matthew 5:29 says; "If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell." 

This is the verse God used to speak to me. It's a verse I have read and known for years, but in this particular case of sin I am dealing with, it became clear that I need to take this issue very seriously as an issue that is ultimately coming between my relationship with God. God doesn't literally mean for us to tear our eyes out if they "cause us to sin" but He is rather using this extreme example to show us how deadly sin is. I have tried self disciplining myself with smartphone restrictions of app blockers, but the temptation is always there, and I eventually fall short of my efforts. 

I doubt I'll be smartphone-less forever but for now, it's what I need to do and I am trusting God to bring me joy through this choice. I am looking forward to a simpler life and I'm thankful that I have the freedom to not have a smartphone (I know this isn't possible for everyone because of work situations). I am praying that God will use these years to cultivate a strong desire to serve Him, without needing other's approval and applaud.

Until next time, 
Annette. 

P.S. I still plan on blogging and look forward to sharing how life is without a smartphone ;)