Friday, November 20, 2015

Bittersweet

Yesterday was my very last home visit with my midwife. It marked the end of this season of pregnancy and birth.

I'm snuggled up with my newborn while my toddler naps and just kinda feeling saddness and relief. It's going to be a good long while before we consider getting pregnant again.

However I'm am going to miss my midwife so dearly!! I can't express how wonderful my care was ..I was just telling Sam how the actual birth of Finley was such a microscopic peice in the whole picture of my pregnancy/postpartum period. 

Right off the bat, my midwife made me feel extremely important...she was clearly an advocate for my well-being...visits were less medical and more trust building than anything else. We would chat about my fears as a parent, or past events in my life that I still struggle with emotionally. I could tell her, without guilt, that I did not feel ready for another baby....she just really really cared....

Postpartum has been so much more reassuring this time around..to have known that I'd have another visit soon or that I can call when I literally feel like running away...a listening ear is priceless, not to mention the wisdom from a woman who has worked with (literally) thousands of families.

So as I close this chapter  of motherhood - I do so with a bit of a heavy heart..but also with great gratitude!

Saturday, October 31, 2015

The Birth of Finley Matthew

Oct. 8 2015 we were blessed by the birth of Finley Matthew Shesman! Here is his birth story:

It was around noon on 10-7 that i started having some very minor contractions....they didn't feel like anything special..they felt like what I'd been having for weeks so I thought nothing of it. However, I called Sam at work to see if maybe I should come get him ...I guess maybe my subconcious knew it was the real deal. We decided that I would go to target with Grace (about halfway to his work) and walk around for awhile and then decide from there how I felt. While in target, I had maybe two contractions but decided that I should go ahead and pick up Sam. 

It was about 2:30 when we all were heading home...at this point I was feeling totally normal and bummed/embarrassed because I thought things had stopped and that I made a big deal out of nothing. So I went to take a shower and a nap while Sam played with Grace.


That evening I had very little appetite for dinner, but again, I thought nothing of it. Pregnancy does all kinds of wild things..it seemed pretty typical. I was also having extremely sporratic contractions that were a bit more painful..but not wanting to get my hopes up - I ignored them. 

It was around 9:30 pm that I told Sam we should just go to bed. He'd wanted to cal the midwives and just give them a heads up...but I really did not think this was it. I figured we should just go to bed. 

My contractions were definitely picking up and getting painful..I was just annoyed at this point and wanted to sleep! So I did my best to sleep through them and pretend labor wasn't happening. 

1:30am I woke up to contractions that were NOT going to be ignored! I started pacing around the bed and I can remember not really knowing what to do with myself. I still didn't want to call the midwives (I was crazy enough to still think this wasn't it) so instead I got in the shower (YES for laboring at home and having that luxury). 

At 2:30am Sam said enough is enough and he called our midwife, Mary. She misheard him and thought he said my contractions were coming 10 min apart when they were actually coming 1 min apart...so she sent over her assistant, Nichole, to check on me.

When Nichole arrived, it was very clear that I was in transition and baby would be here soon! Mary arrived shortly after and attempted to get the pool set up...but we ended up not being able to get it ready on time for me to use. Serious Bummer :(...but definitely my fault. 

Around 3:05am my water broke as my body was starting to push. At this point the midwives encouraged me to move from the toilet to the bedroom, so I did. I ended up wanting to push on my knees while using the bed as support.. Wow I can still remember the intensity of my body pushing out Finley. The midwives were perfect...they stood back and only intervened when I wanted them to. They never tried to coach me to do anything that didn't feel right..I was able to listen to my body and at 3:21am Finley was born into my own hands. RELIEF! 

Having the privilege to homebirth is something I'll always be grateful for. The midwives cleaned up, did the dishes and laundry, did nessesary newborn screening such as weighing and then they left us to enjoy our brand new baby. They've come over to check on us on a weekly basis. The support has been worth every penny. 

Next time, I'm having my waterbirth!!!


Sunday, September 27, 2015

Let Go and Let God

Happy Sunday to everyone :]

As you may know, I am quickly nearing my due date. I am 38 weeks and 2 days pregnant with my second baby. We had a situation yesterday (a quite bizarre situation) that left us thinking baby is coming NOW. Well clearly - he didn't..and he hasn't.

I was totally emotionally and physically drained by the end of the day. We ended up going to bed at 8:30, and I woke up feeling totally normal..well as normal as 38 weeks pregnant can feel :P. a few friends and one of my midwives have said that there may be something I need to let go of so that labor can progress..the only think I can think is that I need to let God handle this process. I need to trust that my body and my baby will work together. Most of all, I need to keep in mind that although this time can feel so stretched out, no matter what, a baby is going to be born soon.

So maybe that's it...I just need to loosen the reigns and let God handle this and enjoy however longer I have left before we become a family of four. I'm letting go. I'm letting God.

But this all reminds me of my pregnancy with Grace....if you'll stick with me just awhile longer I'd love to share her birth story now, since I wasn't blogging at the time.

Grace's Birth 7-11-14

The day I went into labor was a Thursday, Friday I would be 41 weeks pregnant! I was so ready. I can remember waking up that morning and thinking to myself "this is it, this is my last day of pregnancy. I just know." I can't remember what I did that day - but I do remember that I had an appointment with the midwife at 3:30. She was pretty eager to get things moving, so she did a check and a membrane sweep and gave me a list of ingredients to make an "induction cocktail". I can remember thinking that it probably wouldn't actually work - but I was determined to try!

4pm: We left the office and I was having some mild cramping, but nothing that I hadn't experienced before..I thought nothing of it. We stopped at the grocery store, gathered ingredients and last minute things we may want on hand, and we were on our way home.

We Got home and I can remember feeling some contractions..but again nothing intense or "real"...I was still in denial that this could be "it" I drank the most disgusting mixture of ingredients while Sam laughed at the faces I was making and we went about our normal evening.

8pm: I was needing to concentrate through contractions..at this point we were pretty sure that this was the real deal! We were going to have a baby tonight!!! I alternated from standing and swaying my hips to jumping in the shower. We were keeping my midwife updated but she didn't think I was ready to come in.

the hours from 8pm to 11pm are a blur!

11pm: I was crying, moaning, but insisting that we shouldn't leave for the hospital yet. My midwife still didn't think I sounded ready to come in. I had no idea where I was in labor - all I knew was it HURT. We left even though the midwife seemed like she wanted us to stay home...the car ride to the hospital took 30 minutes. I can't describe to you how painful those 30 minutes were...by the tail end of the trip I told Sam I was pushing!!

11:30pm: I came ROARing into the hospital...all modesty or sense of embarrassment was out the window at this point. I walked into triage, got into my room, and whipped my clothes off. I went right to the toilet because that seemed like the right place to be! I can remember Sam telling the nurse I was pushing and she yelled at me to GET OFF the toilet!! I begrudgingly obeyed and got onto the bed where she checked me and said "You're at a 10!!!"....she (and maybe some other people??) wheeled me down the hall on that bed to the birthing room.

11:45??: I was feeling so much at this point...the baby was coming fast!! My doula arrived while I was pushing, and she took my hand and reassured me that everything would be fine!! I think we were all kind of surprised that they had me flat on my back (I was aiming for waterbirth, obviously got there too late, but never expected to be pushing flat on my back against gravity). Later on I learned that this was to slow me down a bit..sometimes it can be dangerous for a baby to be born too quickly. I can remember my midwife asking me if I wanted a 7-10 baby or a 7-11 baby...I don't think I responded (or cared), however Grace was born at 12:02 am on 7-11-14. The relief I felt was so immense that I practically forgot that a baby came out of the whole ordeal! When they put Grace on my chest I was in too much shock to process that she was born. I remember saying hello to her and asking what color eyes she had.

The afterbirth was born and I hemorrhaged a bit but it was easily controlled...thankfully I didn't tear, but I did fracture my tailbone! An issue I'm still dealing with as we speak!

They did all the assessments on Grace while she rested peacefully on my chest. She took to the breast very easily and breastfeeding came very naturally to me. We spent an hour just admiring her before they moved us to our room.

And there you have it. Grace Isabelle Shesman practically ran into this world. She has a booming personality and she makes us smile on a regular basis. We are thankful to God for the gift of a child and we're looking forward to expanding our family once again...but of course, it will happen when it happens.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Motherhood

Good evening everyone :) I hope everyone has had a blessed Sunday! God has really touched my heart today and I want to share before it all goes away.

My heart has been heavy lately..

Being a stay at home mama has been the most beautiful gift God has given me...but the days are long, my patience runs quickly, and my toddler is needy. Not to mention all the pressure to be THE perfect mother in every single way...it can be a bit overwhelming. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to balance a million different things and it just becomes impossible...I'm tired. 

The beauty in all of this is that the Lord understands exactly where I'm at - he is all knowing. He touched my heart through the sermon this morning and then I had a wonderful meeting with our small group of christian ladies expressing the exact same hardships. It was such a relief on my heart to know that I'm not alone in feeling overwhelmed. It's the moments that I realize I'm only human that bring me back down to reality...that I am sinful and that the standards I put myself at are unrealistic. there's a reason that Jesus saved us from our sins!!

So I'm taking one day at a time and riding out the highs and the lows. I'm taking comfort in the knowledge that the Lord understands my struggles and that he is helping me even when it doesn't seem like it. And I'm always, ALWAYS praying for wisdom and patience.


Wednesday, September 9, 2015

What is "Wholly Healthy"?

Hey there...if you're here - thanks for taking the time to read! I have pondered for months about making a blog...mostly because I wanted to find THE perfect name for what I want this blog to represent.

And So we have it, "Wholly Healthy Mommy"

This name means a lot to me because it encompasses the most important aspects of my life. Allow me to elaborate...

I'm only 22, I know don't have all the answers... I am very painfully aware of this. However, I searched long and hard for happiness for many many years, and there have been tidbits I've found on the way that have helped me reach a point in my life where I am truly happy.

1. Jesus. Being saved was literally a life altering event. Elaborating would take up pages and pages, but basically I live my life for the Glory of God. He is with me every step of the way and he gives meaning to a meaningless world.

2. Fitness and wellness...not because I want to look "fab" or "glamorous"...but because I have treated my body poorly in the past and I am well aware of how much better I feel now that I am consistently active and fueling my body properly.

3. Balance, patience, and consistency. I realize that time is so important. Devoting my time and energy to the little things is what makes the big things happens. Patience is huge...and I'm still working on that. But as a stay at home mom, having patience is so essential to happiness and well-being.

So there you have it. "Wholly Healthy Mommy" it is.